What About You, Momma?

Pregnancy was a wonderful time. People told me I looked great and gushed on and on about the glow I had. Strangers gave up their seats for me and I never really had to stand anywhere I went. Everyone always asked how I was feeling, and if I was doing ok. I was always offered food, lots and lots of yummy food. Everyone made sure I always had water to drink. If I looked tired, someone found a spot for me to sleep and ordered me to go take a nap. 

I felt like a queen.

Self esteem, check. 
Comfort, check. 
Importance, check. 
Food and water, check. 

Then once baby arrived, all that changed. Everyone (minus my family and husband) somehow forgot that I even existed.

“Oh, you look so tired. The baby must have been up all night! Poor baby! Hopefully he gets some rest soon, he needs it!”

“He’s crying! He must be hungry! Why aren’t you feeding him?!”

“He has a little spit up on his clothing, you should put him in a new outfit.”

“Poor thing wants to be held, why aren’t you holding him!”

I was so confused. Before I felt like a queen, and now I was nothing more than a servant. A tired servant who apparently was doing such a bad job that everyone else thought they could do it better. 

Self esteem, zero.
Comfort, none.
Importance, last.
Food and water, lacking.

At the risk of sounding whiny, I couldn’t help but long for someone to notice not just the baby, but me too. I’m tired, can I sleep? I’m hungry, can someone feed me? My clothes have spit up all over the place, can you grab me a clean shirt too? Better yet, since you likely won’t find a clean shirt of mine in the house, can you do a load of laundry while you are visiting? I want to be held, someone hold me! 

Ok, unless you are my husband or my momma, maybe not that last one. 

But in all seriousness. What happens? I felt like I was drowning but nobody around saw me. 

Now, I fully understand that babies take the center stage. Their needs come first always, as they should. I also fully understand that parents are grown adults and can take care of themselves. I'm not looking to be treated as a queen by any means. But what I'm concerned about is why people are acting as though parents aren't important anymore once those precious little bundles of joy arrive.

There are people who actually tell moms and dads to their face that they don’t matter anymore. That people only care to see the little ones now. We have actually had someone jokingly tell us “Don’t bother to come see us if you don’t have your children.” 

Jokingly or not, when you add in all the other comments that you receive, it hurts. 

During the newborn stage for both of my boys, I was pretty much in a constant, never ending state of prayer. Through each struggle I just poured my heart out to God over and over again. I knew that while I was invisible to many, He saw me. He knew I was struggling. He knew I was hurting. And He didn't just know.

He cared.

Those babies are getting an insane amount of love, you don’t have to worry about that. But those new (and even those experienced) mommies and daddies that you love and care about? They need some extra loving. They are in a constant struggle right now. They need some occasional pampering. They need some extra encouragement.

They need to know they are still important. 

The next time that you go to ask how a baby is doing, make sure to ask how the mom and dad are doing too. When you ask what you can do to help with the baby, ask what you can do to help the parents too. 

It takes little effort from you but it will make their day and they likely won’t ever forget it. 

New parents, if you are struggling with this today I want you to know that you aren't alone. That new life is so incredibly precious and is rightfully taking up all of your attention as well as the attention of everyone around you. But you matter too. You are important, not only to that precious baby you are holding but to the Creator of the universe. God Himself sees you. 

You are important to God. 

He is only a prayer away, so go ahead. Pour your heart out to Him.

He's waiting with arms open wide.