If you are a mom on any sort of social media, chances are you belong, or have belonged, in an online parenting/mothering group of some kind. Whether that’s a group for single parents, moms in your local town, girl moms, boy moms, special needs moms, pregnant moms, new moms, athletic moms, city moms, country moms, homeschooling moms, private school moms, Christian moms, football moms, dance moms, crunchy moms, bad moms, moms of twins.....whatever your situation, there’s a group of moms connecting over it.
Connecting. Notice I didn’t say supporting.
If you are in one of these mom groups, you know (and find out pretty quickly) that support doesn’t always come running as you may initially hope and assume. You actually find out that, unfortunately, the opposite happens way too often. The amount of times you have a mom that asks a question just to be bombarded with judge-mental comments happens all too frequently. You get familiar with the hashtag “#admin”. You know that if there’s over 100 comments, typically it’s because some argument has started somewhere along the way. You constantly see posts starting with “please don’t judge me, but...”
Unless you’ve struck mom group gold, chances are you double think every post you put up.
We all have this image of what the perfect mom support group looks like and often find that most groups fall short of that image. Each group, while often having at least one similarity in common, is full of so many different kinds of personalities. Even if you are “just simply looking for support”, that support looks different to each individual. It will never be exactly what we all imagine it to be, and if it was, well there would only be one person in each perfect group.
You, and you alone.
You, and you alone.
But, oh my, what a beautiful thing it is when a group bands together and truly encourages and takes care of each other.
Recently, in one of my mom groups on Facebook, I posted a picture of a near empty kid’s vitamin bottle. I posted about how my 2 year old secretly grabbed the bottle, hid, opened, and ate 80-90 of his vitamins before my husband and I had found out. I posted it saying something along the lines of “In case you happen to have a mom fail this week and think to yourself that you are the worst mom ever...at least your kid didn’t eat 3 months worth of vitamins in one day.” I knew (or hoped, rather) that some people would encourage me, letting me know I wasn’t alone. I also was weary of all the moms who may judge me. “Where were you when he was eating all these?!” “Why weren’t they up higher?!?” “How could you not know?!” I figured the encouragement would be worth the negative comments I had coming for me.
Turns out, this post was my most popular post ever. 500+ reactions and 300+ comments (and counting!). As I settled down to read through the post, I prepared myself for arguments, judgements, and unfriendly suggestions mixed somewhere in all those comments.
But much to my surprise, I read every single comment and there was not even one judge-mental comment to be found.
Not even one.
Every single comment was filled with either a story of what their child had done in comparison, a piece of encouragement, or just simply a note saying they were glad everything turned out ok and that my 2 year old was safe.
Not even one.
Every single comment was filled with either a story of what their child had done in comparison, a piece of encouragement, or just simply a note saying they were glad everything turned out ok and that my 2 year old was safe.
I may have shed a tear or two over this post, simply because of so many moms coming together with the intent of reminding us all that these things happen, we aren’t alone, and it doesn’t make us a bad mom.
And that’s not even the best example of a group working together and showing love that I have witnessed.
I’ve been a part of several mom groups that have had members say they can’t handle the stress of new mom life and cry out that they can’t handle life anymore. These moms were flooded with encouragement, numbers to call, comments pleading for them to private message them back so they can talk...people who have never met in person but understand how critical, depressing, and hard these moments are. Not giving up, not scrolling away, but instead knowing and understanding that there is a real person on the other side of that screen. Someone who they don’t individually know, but still someone worth giving time and effort to. For the sake of that mother, for the sake of her family, and for the sake of the invisible mom going through the same thing who isn’t as strong to reach out themselves, but who is also reading every comment.
I’ve been a part of a group that had one of its members pass away unexpectedly. This group didn’t just say “oh my heart goes out to the family!”, they didn’t just get curious and want to know the details of what happened. This beautiful group of ladies got together with amazing plans to help this now single father. Plans to drop off dinner, plans to donate money, and plans to drop off boxes of diapers and wipes. This sweet lady who had passed away didn’t know it at the time, but she belonged in a group that would take care of her family when she wasn’t there to take care of them herself anymore.
You guys, THAT is what a mom group should look like.
If you belong in a group like this, don’t take it for granted. Instead, just love on those moms that you may never meet in real life and support them as though they are your best friends. Laugh together through the funny moments, encourage through the hard, and band together through the unthinkable.
It's what you are looking for, it’s what other moms are looking for, and it’s what those groups were created for.
And, oh, what a beautiful thing it is when it actually pans out that way.
