Don't Let Fear Ruin Your Sense Of Community

Oftentimes, when I get home from an evening church service, I immediately rush the kiddos inside and start getting everyone ready for bed. I almost never suggest that we take a walk before going inside. By that time, I’m always worn out for the day and ready to relax, kid free until the morning (or until someone cries in the middle of the night).

That’s why, on Wednesday night after service, it was a shock when I suggested out of the blue that we take a short family walk. It was already 8:45pm, the sun was near set, the kids had not had dinner yet, and we were all tired. 

But for some reason, I really wanted to have a family walk. 

We all set out and the boys were so thrilled for this last minute adventure. Maybe a minute into it, different sidewalk paths met and a man was walking our way. Grayson was running ahead of us, every step brought him further from us and closer to this stranger. 

Red flags started going off in my mind and making me feel uncomfortable. Although this man had done nothing wrong, my crazy momma bear side of me was getting images of my sweet child getting picked up and ran off with, so I yelled over to Grayson for him to stop and wait for us, and I started walking quicker towards him. He did stop though, and we all met together at the same time, including this stranger. 

He greeted us and I smiled politely and said hello back. He tried to get Grayson to say hello back, but Grayson was feeling shy so he just buried his face into my leg. Sawyer, on the other hand, excitedly waved and exclaimed, “Hello!” at this man. This made his face break out into a huge grin. 

He reached over and tickled his arm, looked up at me and mentioned that he loved kids and asked what Sawyer’s name was. I answered his question and then started to step away, but right as I was about to start walking, I got this feeling that I needed to say something more. I looked ahead to Javi and Grayson, who had continued the walk without Sawyer and I. I figured I could catch up in a moment, I just needed to say one more thing then I could politely continue on. 

I asked him if he had any kids at home, since he seemed to do so well with them. 

And then, just like that, our entire conversation shifted and I was no longer on momma bear alert. 

This man told me that he had a son, but that he passed away from leukemia. That he was 10 years old and him and his wife were coming upon the 2 year anniversary of his death in just a few weeks. That he wasn’t struggling with it anymore because he knows his son isn’t in pain anymore, but that he never goes a day without thinking of him and missing him. That when he sees kiddos out playing and having fun with their families, like we were doing, it made him happy to see parents not wasting their time with their children. That he would give anything to be able to take a walk with his son again. 

This momma about bawled right then and there.

In the time that we talked, he showed me a picture of his son, told me about what his son struggled with before passing, and about how it hurts him to see parents not understanding the blessing that their kids are. He mentioned that he doesn’t always share with strangers that he had a kid, not because he won’t talk about him but because the topic doesn’t come up. Because of that, he told me he has been told by parents that him and his wife were “lucky” to not have children since they can do whatever they want, when they want. He told me about how his heart breaks when people say that because he would give anything to be “bothered”, as those parents put it, by his son again. 

He reminded me to enjoy my kids, even on the tough days. He reminded me to see my boys for the blessing that they were, and to never take a moment for granted like he use to. He reminded me to always stop and take moments like we were that night, to take family walks, to go outside and play, to read books and talk about each day. 

His story reminded me that I’m not promised any set amount of days with my children. 

In the time that we were talking, Javi and Grayson had already made a lap. The man thanked me for listening to his story, said that he appreciated me listening, and then we said our goodbyes and parted ways. But throughout dinner and the rest of the night, I couldn’t stop thinking about him and our encounter. I fully believe that God led me to want to talk a walk so that our paths would cross. 

My first instinct when I saw him was fear of something bad happening. He didn’t look suspicious, he didn’t act suspicious, and I had no prior knowledge of him. He was just somebody in our apartment complex out walking. I have learned to fear strangers though, especially when my children are a part of the equation. I never wanted to turn that encounter into a conversation, but instead I just wanted to smile and move on with my family. But once he started talking, I wanted to keep listening. It seemed to help him to talk about it, and it helped me to remember that I’m not promised any amount of time with my children. 

Had I kept walking out of fear, I would have been passing by a blessing for the both of us. 

Use your common sense and mommy intuition, of course, but also follow the Holy Spirit. Don’t let fear turn you away from meeting new people. The world isn’t always this scary place where everyone is out to get you. It’s a place that is full of broken and hurting people, aching to find some sort of healing and comfort. Their main source of comfort is only going to come from God, but God can use you if you are willing to be a listening ear. 

The next time you are out and about, try to take the time to talk to someone. 

Get to know their story. 

When the chance arises, share yours. 

That’s what being a part of a “village” is all about. 

This One Is For You, Dads.

Dear Dads,

Oftentimes you may feel forgotten and you don’t always get the credit you deserve. Moms repeatedly get recognition while you sometimes get treated like you have no part in your family at all. Like you aren’t as important. 

But let me tell you, that couldn't be any more wrong. 

Dads, you model what selfless love is. Day in and day out, you give the best of what you have to offer and take only the leftovers. You make sure your family is comfortable, even when it makes you uncomfortable. You work your life away to give your family the best life they can have, and you do it without complaining (and often times, without proper appreciation). 

To the dads of babies, toddlers, and young children: 

While everyone focuses on mom and baby, you often get tossed to the sidelines. But you aren’t forgotten about. Your loving support during those tough few months and years are so vital, and your struggles are just as important as mom's. While she has the weight of the children on her shoulders, you have the weight of your whole family on yours.

Your level of sacrifice hits an extreme. You are still establishing a firm financial foundation for your household, which often translates to long days and nights working. You oftentimes miss out on the first milestones, the celebrations, the recitals and ball games. You often miss seeing the practices that lead up to the main performances, and sometimes you even miss those too. You give up so much to be able to provide for your family and it's such a noble act.

But you can rest assured knowing that you are so loved. Those sweet children of yours miss you dearly when you are gone. They ask about you all day and scream with excitement when you walk through the door. Mommy is often chopped liver to the perfection of their daddy. You can do no wrong in their little eyes.

To the dads of teens and college students: 

Your children may act like you aren’t cool or smart, but behind their embarrassed expressions and pleas to stop telling jokes that aren’t funny to them, they look up to you. They admire you. 

Your sons look to you for their example of who they may be one day. They see a man who will fight for their family, who won’t give up until they get what they are striving for, and who provides until they have nothing left to give. They see glimpses of who they hope to be one day. 

Your daughters look to you for a standard that they will expect in their future husband. You are helping shape who they will hope to marry one day. You are helping to shape their expectations on what kind of love they think they deserve. 

You are molding them, even as they are reaching out for freedom and independence. 

To the dads of grown children and also to the granddads:

Your children are grown now and have families of their own. They may act like your work is done, but it’s not. It never will be. They will forever come to you for advice and guidance. They have a newfound sense of understanding of all that you went through when you were their age. They understand the sacrifices and how hard that was for you. They get it now. 

Love on those beautiful grandchildren of yours. They are the bonus after all your hard work. Take part in helping shape their lives, too. Those little ears are always listening, those little eyes are always watching, and those little hearts love their grandpa with everything they have. 

So, thank you dads. For your sacrifices. For your patience and forgiveness. For your guidance and wisdom. 

But mostly, thank you for your never ending love. 

I Fell In Love With Being a Boy Mom

Growing up I always knew I wanted to be a mom. When I was in high school people asked me what I wanted to go to college for. I came up with careers that I may possibly have found happiness in, but in my heart all I ever wanted to be was a stay at home mom. I would dream about getting married, having babies, and raising them. It was the only thing I truly knew I wanted for my life. 

During college, I nannied. I worked for several amazing families and through those positions I realized something. I didn’t just want to be a mom. 

I wanted to be a girl mom. 

I wanted to buy cute clothing. I wanted to browse through all the bows, the headbands, the leggings, the dresses and fill our home with them. Eventually that would turn into shopping adventures together.

I wanted all the girl toys. I wanted to buy dolls and barbies and dreamed of laying on the floor and playing with them with my daughter one day. Eventually that would turn into mommy daughter dates together to get manicures and make overs. 

I imagined watching all the princess movies together, and down the road that would change to romantic comedies. I imagined sitting around and doing hair together. I imagined pink and purple galore. I imagined passing down my middle name. I pictured this imaginary world that was my definition of perfect. Boys were cool, but they weren't for me. 

In my mind, I was going to be a girl mom. 

I just knew it. 

When that moment came and I found out I was pregnant the first time, I was over the moon excited. All those dreams were within reach. I began looking up baby girl clothes, toys, and accessories. I started finding girl names that matched my middle name. Everyone around me congratulated me and told me, “We just know it! You are going to have a girl!” I knew there was a possibility of me having a boy, and that would be ok, but that was a bridge I would cross when I got there. 

At our 20 week appointment I was so excited. I couldn’t wait for the ultrasound tech to confirm I was in fact having a girl so I could start purchasing items. As I was getting situated, the tech asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby and Javi and I both excitedly blurted out, “YES!”

Then, just like that, I reached that bridge. Within less than 30 seconds, our tech had this perfect view of our baby’s genital area. She was able to very confidently congratulate us on our baby boy. 

I looked over at Javi who was so excited to get the boy he wanted. We exchanged a smile and a kiss and held hands as we excitedly watched as the tech pointed out all the different body parts on this precious baby boy. 

Through the excitement, I sat there wondering what I was going to do with a boy. I was never once sad to have a boy, let me assure you that. The baby was healthy and that’s what truly mattered. I got that. 

I just honestly had no idea what I was going to do with a boy. 

It’s a funny thing, though, because God always knows exactly what we want before we do. I gave birth to Grayson and fell utterly and entirely in love, of course. 

Instead of the pinks and purples I longed for, my home filled with blues and greens. Instead of baby dolls, we had sports balls and cars. Instead of princesses, we had super heroes. 

I not only fell in love with my son, but to my surprise, I fell in love with being a boy mom. 

So much so that when I got pregnant the second time, I longed for another boy. I mean sure, there was the short lived 2 weeks where I wanted a girl. But then as I looked through girl things, I realized I truly hoped it was another boy. The girl stuff was adorable, but it no longer felt like it fit our family. Everyone assured me “It’s ok, you are going to get that baby girl! I just know it!” But it’s like people didn’t hear me. I would be ok with a girl, but it’s not what my heart desired at that moment. I wanted another boy. 

I wanted to continue being a boy mom. 

We waited to find out the sex of the baby until he/she was born. It wasn’t easy but it was exciting. When I was finally in labor, I packed my bags and tossed in both a girl outfit and a boy outfit. I hoped the boy set was what would be pulled out again not too long from now. 

When I gave birth, the nurses handed me our baby and announced, “Its a boy!” and I remember my heart about burst with happiness. I looked down at this new baby boy and I was overjoyed. 

I had always dreamed of being a girl mom, and now here I am, the mom of two boys and loving every second of it. I mean, I could probably do without the poop jokes (although sometimes even I crack a poop joke just because I know it means I’ll get to see a huge smile and hear those adorable laughs), but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

If you are pregnant now, let me reassure you that no matter what you have, you will fall in love. And not just with the baby, because everyone knows that you will love your child no matter what. But you will love everything that comes with having a girl or boy. It may not come natural at first, but before you know it you will be a pro at dance recitals or ball games. 

That sweet baby will help you see all the joy in something you never really saw before. 

So don’t fear the unknown or the unfamiliar. 

Instead, it may just be the greatest thing to ever happen to you.