One of the most
common questions asked every day by every kind of person is "How are you?".
It's a interesting question because if you think about it, it's almost always asked in passing or as a bridge question to the actual question someone has for you. Its asked as more of a filler than as something genuine Because of this, one of the most common responses back to it is "I'm doing good, how are you?". You don't really answer the question, but rather deflect back to the other person.
It's actually one of my least favorite questions of all time (even though I ask it all the time!). I dislike it because it's hardly ever asked whole heartedly and it's usually a very surface level conversation. You almost never have a chance to truthfully answer the question.
It's become such a routine question that I'll admit, I've embarrassed myself asking it before:
Me as I'm only half paying attention: "Hello! How are you?"
The other person: "I'm doing good, how are you?"
Me: "I'm doing good! How are you?"
The other person: "You already asked me that."
...yup. I've been THAT person before.
Because of it usually bring a bridge question, I oftentimes just give the standard response back. The "I'm doing great!" answer rolls off my tongue too quickly. It doesn't matter if inside I'm hurting, or if I'm starting to feel sick, or if I'm about to breakdown in tears, or if I'm upset, or even if I just had the best day of my life and want to shout it from the rooftops.
That is, unless the right person asks the question.
There are certain people that get my truthful responses. They ask and I know they mean it. They are prepared for the good, the bad, the ugly, and the emotions that come with it all. They sincerely want to know how I'm doing.
The first time I realized that God had placed people in my life who actually cared (outside of my wonderful family!) was on a Sunday morning.
I was still pregnant with Grayson and nearing the end of the 3rd trimester. I'll admit, it was a morning that I would have much preferred to have been in bed still. I was tired, annoyed, not particularly feeling well, and just plain not feeling like myself. I wanted to be home.
My husband and I had just gotten to church and as he went off towards the bathroom, I walked to a seat and placed my stuff down. As I was doing so, one of the church members came up to me and asked me how I was doing that morning. I turned around and blatantly lied, "I'm doing great, how are you doing?"
I'll never forget this moment. The lady who asked just stared at me. Not smiling but not rudely either. Just studied my face for a moment before answering, very sternly and yet somehow kindly at the same time.
"You don't have to be fake with me, you can be real. I can tell you aren't feeling well and it's ok to not always be happy. You can be honest."
I don't actually remember what I said back, but I believe I embarrassingly murmured an apology and something about how I was ready for the baby to be here, for me to not be pregnant anymore, and that I was just incredibly tired.
She smiled and said that she understood and that she had been in my shoes a few times before with her (now grown) children. She gave me a hug and said she would be praying for me, then walked back to her seat.
I promise you, I'll never forget that interaction. She's actually a good friend of mine now. She may possibly read this post and not even know she's reading about herself. I'm sure it was a bigger conversation for me than it was for her.
Since then, I've started to realize that some people ask and really do want to know a truthful answer. It's just habit for me to want to answer simply, but that's not always what I should do.
That's not always what is desired by the other person.
Is this how you react too? If it is, I challenge you to try answering honestly. The next time someone asks you how you are doing and it's not just in passing, actually tell them. Tell them if you are happy or sad. Let them celebrate with you or let them know you could use some prayers because you are struggling with something.
Whatever your mood is, just let someone know how you are truly feeling. Your feelings matter and you are important.
It's ok to be honest.
It's a interesting question because if you think about it, it's almost always asked in passing or as a bridge question to the actual question someone has for you. Its asked as more of a filler than as something genuine Because of this, one of the most common responses back to it is "I'm doing good, how are you?". You don't really answer the question, but rather deflect back to the other person.
It's actually one of my least favorite questions of all time (even though I ask it all the time!). I dislike it because it's hardly ever asked whole heartedly and it's usually a very surface level conversation. You almost never have a chance to truthfully answer the question.
It's become such a routine question that I'll admit, I've embarrassed myself asking it before:
Me as I'm only half paying attention: "Hello! How are you?"
The other person: "I'm doing good, how are you?"
Me: "I'm doing good! How are you?"
The other person: "You already asked me that."
...yup. I've been THAT person before.
Because of it usually bring a bridge question, I oftentimes just give the standard response back. The "I'm doing great!" answer rolls off my tongue too quickly. It doesn't matter if inside I'm hurting, or if I'm starting to feel sick, or if I'm about to breakdown in tears, or if I'm upset, or even if I just had the best day of my life and want to shout it from the rooftops.
That is, unless the right person asks the question.
There are certain people that get my truthful responses. They ask and I know they mean it. They are prepared for the good, the bad, the ugly, and the emotions that come with it all. They sincerely want to know how I'm doing.
The first time I realized that God had placed people in my life who actually cared (outside of my wonderful family!) was on a Sunday morning.
I was still pregnant with Grayson and nearing the end of the 3rd trimester. I'll admit, it was a morning that I would have much preferred to have been in bed still. I was tired, annoyed, not particularly feeling well, and just plain not feeling like myself. I wanted to be home.
My husband and I had just gotten to church and as he went off towards the bathroom, I walked to a seat and placed my stuff down. As I was doing so, one of the church members came up to me and asked me how I was doing that morning. I turned around and blatantly lied, "I'm doing great, how are you doing?"
I'll never forget this moment. The lady who asked just stared at me. Not smiling but not rudely either. Just studied my face for a moment before answering, very sternly and yet somehow kindly at the same time.
"You don't have to be fake with me, you can be real. I can tell you aren't feeling well and it's ok to not always be happy. You can be honest."
I don't actually remember what I said back, but I believe I embarrassingly murmured an apology and something about how I was ready for the baby to be here, for me to not be pregnant anymore, and that I was just incredibly tired.
She smiled and said that she understood and that she had been in my shoes a few times before with her (now grown) children. She gave me a hug and said she would be praying for me, then walked back to her seat.
I promise you, I'll never forget that interaction. She's actually a good friend of mine now. She may possibly read this post and not even know she's reading about herself. I'm sure it was a bigger conversation for me than it was for her.
Since then, I've started to realize that some people ask and really do want to know a truthful answer. It's just habit for me to want to answer simply, but that's not always what I should do.
That's not always what is desired by the other person.
Is this how you react too? If it is, I challenge you to try answering honestly. The next time someone asks you how you are doing and it's not just in passing, actually tell them. Tell them if you are happy or sad. Let them celebrate with you or let them know you could use some prayers because you are struggling with something.
Whatever your mood is, just let someone know how you are truly feeling. Your feelings matter and you are important.
It's ok to be honest.
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