Busy Is Not Always Best

Before I had kids, I had a pretty simple schedule of work, household duties, and that was pretty much it. I saw friends having all sorts of things scheduled and planned. I remember sitting at home wishing that I was that involved. 

Wishing that I was that busy. 

Over time I got married, had a child, joined a church, and branched out somewhere along the way. It felt amazing to finally have places to be and things to do. People depended on me to be places, to help out, to be a part of the group. It was wonderful and I still remember how great it felt to finally not just be alive, but actually be living each day. 

Then at some point, things kept stacking up, more and more. I went from one kid to two. I went from a pleasant amount of responsibilities and commitments to me just barely managing to juggle it all. And some days were so rough that I didn’t manage to juggle anything at all. Everything just came crashing down instead, sometimes at the expense of those around me. 

At some point, I laid on my bed crying because I just needed life to slow down. I couldn’t handle it all anymore. 

On the extreme days, I wanted to remove myself from everything all together and go back to the days where I just sat at home alone and doing nothing. 

The hardest part wasn’t even how I was feeling about my own life. I had placed all this responsibility on myself, I had no one to blame but myself. The hardest was was realizing how blind I was to how it was affecting my children. Day after day, I woke them up. We hurried through breakfast (some days, breakfast happened in the car), we went from point A to Point B....then C, D, E, F and so on and so on. I constantly was telling the boys things like, “Not now. Mommy is busy” or “We can’t play right now, we have to get going.” Not only was I stressing my own self out, but my children were involuntarily being strung along too. I kept telling myself “They are fine. They are getting out and about. They see their friends. They get some fresh air.” 

Then one morning, after a particularly rough week, the simplest thing made me realize how incredibly wrong I was.

After this rough week was though, we finally had a day to ourselves. A day to sleep in, a day to relax, a day to spend just the boys and I. I turned off my alarms and told myself I would wake up when the kids woke up, assuming that to be around 7-7:30, roughly their usual time to wake. 

So when I woke up at 10:15 and heard nothing at all from the boys room, I sorta freaked out a bit. I jumped up and went to check on them. Sure enough, they were both still sleeping soundly in their beds. 

I remember going back to my bed and texting my husband to tell him. I remember being SO grateful that God gave me this morning to sleep in that I so desperately needed. Then in a sudden moment of realization, my heart sunk and I started crying. 

I had caused not only myself to burn out, but I caused my children to burn out too. 

My children who (other than sickness) never EVER slept in past 8am, slept until 10:30 that morning. They got to wake up on their own terms. They got to eat a real breakfast at our table, and they got to eat as slow as their hearts desired. They got to play with their toys all day. They had a whole day of their mommy playing along side them, not too busy with anything else. We played outside and went at their pace. We had a whole day that revolved around them, and only them.

I remember falling asleep that night with tears in my eyes and apologizing to God for failing at taking care of these children He had trusted me with. 

I remember the amount of guilt that I felt when I woke my children up the next day and continued our rushed schedule. It pained me and I couldn’t shake it. Then, on the radio, a song, that I had heard several times but never actually truly listened to, played. (Lyrics down at the end of this post!) I actually listened to the lyrics for the first time and instantly felt like God was telling me, “Tiffany. Slow down.” 

It took having an emotional break down, near depression, and burning out my children before I realized I needed to stop. It took loosing my smile and forgetting where the joy was in every situation. It took people coming up to me and asking if I was ok because I just wasn’t myself anymore.

It took acknowledging that I had, indeed, let myself turn into someone even I didn’t recognize. 

I finally passed some responsibilities on and prioritized my life a little better and it changed my attitude and mood immediately. It was hard to admit that I couldn't handle it all anymore. It was hard to let go of things and positions that I once loved. It was hard asking for help.

But it was worth it.

You know yourself better than anyone else. Are you feeling like you just can’t handle day to day life anymore? Do you have almost every day planned, even every hour of your day planned? If a friend told you she needed you, could you be there for her? If your family wanted to see you, would you have to schedule out weeks in advance to spend a day with them? Do you wish that you could just slow down for once in your life? 

You can. 

Slowing down doesn’t happen happen over night. You can’t just drop everything all at once, at least not responsibly. But you can start prioritizing everything. Group responsibilities that you have into categories of “have to do” “can possibly let go” and “absolutely need to pass on to someone else”. Start praying that God will bring some people to take over the responsibilities you need to say good bye to. Which, if you are fully confident that you are meant to pass it on, I can assure you that God already has someone in mind. It’s hard to think about but, by holding on to responsibilities you need to let go, you are causing someone else to not be able to serve and grow in a way that they need to be. This was true of myself, for sure. 

Once those responsibilities are passed on, look through the ones you may be able to do without and reevaluate how you feel about them. Better? Still negative feelings? Pray! Do whatever you feel God is leading you to do. And for the ones you can’t let go of, just pray and focus more attention on being the best you can be for those roles. With some hopefully freed up time, you may be in a better mindset to get through things on a daily basis. 

Being busy happens in life sometimes. It just does. 

But being so busy that you can’t be a good family member, friend, wife, or mother? Being so busy that you don't find the joy in anything anymore? Being so busy that you can’t find the time to do what really matters at the end of your life? Being so busy you can’t do what God is telling you to do? 

Nothing is worth being that busy. 

It's ok.

You can slow down.

"Third cup of joe just to get me through the day
want to make the most of time, but I feel it slip away.
I wonder if there's something more to this crazy life.
I'm busy, busy, busy, and it's no surprise to see,
That I only have time for me, me, me.
There's gotta be something more to this crazy life.
I'm hanging on tight to another wild day
whit it starts to fall apart, in my heart I hear you say just
breath, just breath.
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls, but all you really need
Is to take it in, fill your lungs 
The peace of God that overcomes
Just breath
Let your weary spirit rest
Lay down what's good and find what's best
Just breath."

- Breath by Jonny Diaz